BDSM, Kink

My Top 10 Dominant Traits

1. Communication

Keeping communication at the top ensures there is no room for misunderstandings or concerns, especially during a scene or when you’re long distance.

2. They care about your vanilla life

Asking about your day, asking how you’re feeling and actually listening is so important to me. I don’t want a Dominant that I just scene with, I want someone who values me and wants to share their life with me. I can’t be a robot and I don’t want one either

3. Sex isn’t always the focus

BDSM isn’t always about sex, especially for me. It’s about power play and the nuances of the relationship dynamic, not just about sexual gratification.

4. Aftercare is important

No matter what you’re doing aftercare should always be thought about and you shouldn’t think it’s ok to just drop a submissive when you’ve been physically or mentally engaged. It can be so damaging! For me it’s being held and stroked or being calmly spoken to until I’m back in a calm and safe mind set. Everyone is unique in their needs, but it should never be forgotten

5, Trust

If you can’t trust me then how can I learn to trust you? I don’t need my messages read or my every move monitored to provide you with the level of trust you need to be my Dominant. Unless it’s part of your dynamic, it’s really just overkill and shows massive insecurity which I have no time for in a Dominant. Also it goes both ways, if I feel that I can’t trust you because your communication or actions aren’t leaving. Me feeling secure in our dynamic then how can I trust you to hold my puppet strings?

6. Defensive arguments

Arguments happen, and sometimes they can be really healthy but when you’re manipulating the argument to become a blame game or become overly defensive then how are you meant to guide me?

7. Hygiene & personal care

I have to be attracted to someone to have any kind of relationship with them be it Ds of just a hookup, so as a Dominant I want someone strong in the mind and the body not someone who doesn’t look after themselves because how do I expect you to look after me? And vice versa.

8. Safety in limits

Hard limits are hard limits. They’re not their to test, they’re not there to be pushed, they are hard limits for a reason so back the hell off. Know the difference between soft and hard, soft you can push, hard isn’t budging. You’re not going to make anyone feel safe let alone a submissive if you’re not looking out for our safety.

9. Let me speak

I’m not a slave. I’m a submissive. There is a distinct difference and for a lot of people, especially those with little experience or a lot of experience with vulnerable submissives who didn’t know better, I am not a doormat for you to use and crush without any feedback or discussion. I’m a human being, and in order for me to respect and serve you I need you to respect and value me as a person. Let me have a voice.

10. I am unique

Not every submissive is like me and I am not every submissive. This list is a guide to who I am and what I am looking for, but like everything in BDSM it’s not a guide that everyone will agree with.

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BDSM, Kink, Polyamory, Self Love, sex, Woman

A fucking life lesson

I like fucking.

I really enjoy fucking.

What I enjoy the most about fucking is being fucked. Being pinned down, either face down ass up or legs spread hands choking my neck; either way I really enjoy being fucked.

I know the way men look at me when they think no one else is looking, or when they message me on websites or apps like Snapchat or Tinder. I make myself available to then because to them our interactions are private and they are finally free to be attracted to someone who makes them feel desired and wanted in ways they like, because they make me feel desired and wanted in ways I like.

It’s an exchange.

To them I’m not the kind of girl you take home to your parents, I’m not the kind of girl you’d introduce to your friends. I’m the type of girl you don’t marry.

I fuck men because I like them fucking me but I only love fucking men who love fucking me and know why I want them to fuck me.

I love fucking.

There is no shame in that.

But there is more to life than just fucking. I’m more open now, more than ever because I won’t change who I am. I may just change how I am.

I now know a little more about who I am.

Life lesson learned this week.

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BDSM, Kink, Polyamory, sex, Shibari

Your Rope

There is a comfort here

In the welcoming white smile

With soft cushioned lips

Pulling, pushing, teasing…

Running my fingers across you

The curve and dip of each muscle

Softened skin surrounding

Wrists held back with strength

Your supple hands guiding

Gliding and caressing me

As I feel the fibres…yes…

As they tighten…

There is only you & me now and…

…your rope

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My coming out story

I was seeing my first girlfriend when I was in school, aged 15. We kept it secret from everybody, including the few friends I had because we were scared how they’d react.It was 1996/7 and although we had a few open LGBT celebrities it was not something that a lot of people spoke about, especially at school or at home because of our religion. HIV was still seen as the ‘gay disease’ and lesbians were viewed as ‘butch women trying to be men’, and we were teenagers left confused by the way we felt about each other.

I lived in a religious household and not only did I feel guilty about what we were doing but also hid it from everyone until I had moved out of home at 16. 

I remember playing the ways I was going to tell them so many times, but one Sunday, when I went round for a family meal the opportunity came so I just took it. 

When I told them that I thought I was with a girl and that we were in love, that I was gay, my mother told me that I was ‘disgusting’ and that I ‘shouldn’t say things like that’ and that I better not tell anyone because it’ll make our family look bad. She started shouting at me and I cried knowing that I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. My step father got really angry and told me that I was just saying that to provoke a reaction and to take it back. Even my sister said the same, that I was trying to be ‘cool’ and tried to get me to tell her the girl’s name. I didn’t. And even to this day only a handful of people knew. I was devastated.

We didn’t talk about it ever again because I knew that if I was even to attempt to that I was going to be shouted at or worse.

The guilt was so bad that I ended up splitting up with the first person I’d ever loved. We both had no experience of what we were going through and left us both a mess.

Even now I am faced with ridicule for being openly pansexual. The amount of times I’ve heard ‘you have sex with pans’ or ‘you’re just bisexual then, greedy’ from friends, family members and even strangers online.

But…

I am so proud of who I am today. 

Gender and sexuality are unique and personal, don’t make it your place to judge because we’re all just human. 🖤

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Sting

Bend over…

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting 

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting

Sting

Sting

Sting…

Thank You Sir

Umph….

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And so my new chapter begins…

Time has come where I’d like to start making a proactive search for a primary. The last 6 months have been a much needed explorative and introspective time for me and now I feel comfortable and happy in whom I have grown to be. I am happy playing with those who bring me smiles and positivity, but I now have a craving for something more, something deeper.
So off I go on a journey, hopefully my new path will lead me to someone to guide and support me in becoming the best version of myself so I can bring support and pleasure to our primary relationship and their being or becoming the best version of themselves

Whether it takes months or even years, for once I don’t feel nervous or or desperate, I only feel excitement and happiness.

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BDSM, Kink, Open Relationship, Polyamory, Self Love, sex, Woman

International Women’s Day

As a woman, I have spent 36 years in this rock we call home and my freedoms and opportunities come from generations of men and women who have pushed for equality and recognition of women throughout our history. 

I am not free of struggles or barriers even in 2017, but I am incredibly grateful for those who have fought so I am able to freely express myself, to be who I choose to be and live the life I choose to live.

I feel the restrictions and stigma put on my by society to conform to a stereotype, and often am abused or berated by people for the lifestyle choices I make, whether sexually or otherwise. But I stand by my rights as a human being to live how I choose to live.

Being a woman isn’t just about being a gender, it’s about being a human being and having the same rights and choices as all other human beings should have.
So thank you to all of you who have fought or are still fighting. 

Thank you to the beautiful human beings I am surrounded by and have been before me.

We are beautiful, we are strong, we are capable and we are powerful. I am proud to be a woman and I am proud to be me.

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