BDSM, Kink, Open Relationship, Polyamory, Self Love, sex, Woman

International Women’s Day

As a woman, I have spent 36 years in this rock we call home and my freedoms and opportunities come from generations of men and women who have pushed for equality and recognition of women throughout our history. 

I am not free of struggles or barriers even in 2017, but I am incredibly grateful for those who have fought so I am able to freely express myself, to be who I choose to be and live the life I choose to live.

I feel the restrictions and stigma put on my by society to conform to a stereotype, and often am abused or berated by people for the lifestyle choices I make, whether sexually or otherwise. But I stand by my rights as a human being to live how I choose to live.

Being a woman isn’t just about being a gender, it’s about being a human being and having the same rights and choices as all other human beings should have.
So thank you to all of you who have fought or are still fighting. 

Thank you to the beautiful human beings I am surrounded by and have been before me.

We are beautiful, we are strong, we are capable and we are powerful. I am proud to be a woman and I am proud to be me.

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BDSM, Kink, Polyamory, sex

Messaging A Kinky Woman

1. Don’t just simply message ‘Hi’
I know that not all of us are confident alpha types but I’m sure you can manage to type something a bit more stimulating than one word. As a woman, I do get messages quite often, it’s the ratio, and so if you’re not going to fall through the cracks you need to make a bit more effort.

2. Don’t expect to be the only one I’m messaging

I am not monogamous.

I am not monogamous 

I am not monogamous 

3. Don’t expect me to reply the second you do.

I work incredibly hard, my life is my career and that won’t be changing any time soon so please know that if you’re messaging me and I’m able to reply that’s because I’ve chosen to reply when I have the time to engage with you.

I am not someone you should worry about, I have days when I like to my soeak to anyone at all. So if you’re constantly messaging you will become irritating to me. No offence but I am not your girlfriend, and I have no intention of being either. I have no intention of being anyone’s girlfriend.

4. It isn’t always about sex

Just because I’m a member of a sex site or a site like Fetlife, doesn’t mean all I want to do with you is talk about sex or get each other off everytime we chat. I am a human being with more substance to me than a pussy and a pair of tits so maybe find something else to talk about if I don’t seem ‘in the mood’. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy talking dirty 90% of the time, but I do have vanilla moments especially when at work or travelling.

Remember, I’m not just a toy, I’m a human being. 

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BDSM, Kink, sex

Just because I’m Kinky

Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I want to have sex with anyone with a pulse. It seems that as soon as you mention you’re into the BDSM/Fetish/Kinky lifestyle, you’re open to the assumption that you’re ‘up for anything’ with pretty much everyone. It gets even worse when you mention you’re submissive!

Let’s get a few things straight.

1. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you

I’m fussy. Like REALLY fussy, about who I wish to engage in sexual encounters with. They have to be on the same level as me sexually, I have to find them attractive and we have to strike a rapport. Just because I’m kinky, doesn’t mean I will want to fuck anyone else that has similar kinks or wants to try the things I’m into. I’m still a human being with likes and dislikes. You don’t lose that when you explore and live in this lifestyle.

2. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I want to have sex

I love sex, but I love really good sex with great people. Being kinky doesn’t mean that I automatically want to have sex in a play session. Sometimes I like the sensations it gives or I’m giving someone, whether it be serving them in some way non sexually or receiving pain because I need the release. Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m instantly going to want to have sex in every instance of intimacy. 

3. Just because I’m kinky and submissive…doesn’t mean I want to submit to just anyone

I’m a submissive, anyone who knows me will say that behind the facade is an innately submissive girl. That’s just who I am, and proudly so. This does not mean that I submit to just anyone. Gone are the days where submissives were respected in their role, where Dominants would value our choice and position. Nowadays any Tom, Dick or Harriet will call themselves Dom(me) and I’m expected to worship at their feet. It doesn’t work like that kids. Respect is always a given, but I’m not going to submit to someone unless we have an established trust and rapport. Just because I’m kinky and submissive doesn’t mean I’m yours.

4. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean you can demand nudes

I’m an exhibitionist, I love showing off my body and I post a lot of pictures online or send videos to those I choose. This doesn’t mean that I’m fair game for people to demand pictures or videos from me for their own pleasure. It’s my body and my rules, unless you’re my Dominant, so demands of any kind are off the table. What I’ve also found is that men in particular are incredibly good at begging for them, to almost try to guilt me into sending images, either because they’ve chosen to send me a picture of their raging hard on, or because they think that because I post online that I’m going to give them what they want too. Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m going to flash my intimate parts or give you your own personal porn collections. I save that for people who I choose to do that with, people who respect me and my body. 

5. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I find all cock pics attractive

Cock shots are a funny thing to me. Cocks in general are fascinating but not something that turns me on as a single body part. For me, it’s all about the whole, the body and mind has to turn me on. Sending me a random pic of your hard on without any warning it either probably going to get deleted, laughed at or blocked if it’s persistent. Just because I’m kinky, doesn’t mean your cock is the be all and end all. There is more to you than your cock, in the same way that there is more to me than my tits or pussy. So try taking some great seductive shots of your face and body, or teasing eyes and your cock if you’re still determined. Your cock may be important to you, but it’s not too of my list, you are.

So just because I’m kinky, it doesn’t mean that I’m fair game for all things sexual. It also doesn’t mean that I’m not sexual either, it’s just that you need to understand that I’m still a woman, a human being, someone who likes to be seduced and made to laugh and talked to like I’m respected. I’m a submissive, not a piece of meat or a doormat.

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BDSM, Open Relationship, Polyamory, Self Love

Compliment jar shouldn’t be empty

I love my body. Every inch of it is tells story. The tiger striped stretch marks, the cutting scars, the cellulite, the fat rolls, the brand, tattoos and piercings…even the ones you don’t see in pictures, like the scar on my head from a bottle being smashed or the old scarred marks from abusive relationships. They all make up my beautiful, wonderfully crazy looking body.

So when someone pays me a compliment, no matter who it is, I take it and place it in a glass jar in my mind. It’s a jar I started filling when I went through my process of rebirth. Trying to find out who I really was underneath all of the personas and bullshit I’d pulled over myself to hide he real me from the world.

That jar glows so brightly now from each and every one…From ‘you’re beautiful’, ‘I love your eyes’, ‘squidgy hehe’, ‘fuck you’re gorgeous’ to ‘your cunt feels amazing’.

Without that jar, I wouldn’t have the confidence to be myself. I would allow the abuse that I suffered over my life to affect me. I wouldn’t have rebuilt the strength that I lost and crawled back from my addictions and self destruction.

I wouldn’t be the real me.

So when you want to say something nice to someone, don’t hold back. Just say it. Say how you feel, say what you think. They might have a jar just like mine, but not as full because people didn’t think they would need a compliment because they ‘probably get them all the time’.

We are our own worst critics and when we criticise someone for trying to pay a compliment we are stopping that person from adding something beautiful to our jars.

Be yourself and let others help you realise who that person really is. Let them guide your thoughts positively rather than trying so desperately to cling on to the negative.

You are beautiful, you just need reminding.

XOXO

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BDSM, Open Relationship, Polyamory

The importance of discipline

 

Discipline is one of the founding principles of BDSM and to me is one of the most important. As a submissive, I choose to submit myself to my Dominant, but that comes with it’s own discipline. It’s that discipline that ensures I submit to him in the way that is safe, sane and consensual, that helps support and guides us to live a life that nurtures my journey.

M is my Dominant, my partner and my best friend. We don’t ‘play’ D/s, we live it and without his discipline I know I would be lost. Yes you can put labels on things, but if you stripped costumes, the names and even the sex away, would we still be left with the same relationship? Yes, I think we would. We don’t need costumes or labels to be in D/s, we just need each other. The labels, the costumes and the recognition are all just add ons.

Discipline is important to us and our dynamic because it ensures that I have a guide, a light that keeps me on the right path. Punishments help reinforce that discipline in ways that help me realise the stumbles I’m making and helps me refocus on my goals. They’re not just about sexual gratification, even when they are. In fact, it makes the sexual side of our relationship more intense and more powerful than any vanilla relationship could. That’s not to say vanilla relationships are without discipline, but by having discipline in our D/s we both demonstrate a deeper level of commitment to our relationship. It’s a day to day, minute to minute display of how much this relationship means to us. Without it, we’d just be turning our D/s on and off like a light switch, which not only would be belittling it, but would be detrimental to our journey together.

Discipline is important to me because it’s important to us, and I’m very lucky to have an ‘us’.

discipline

I’m looking for the same commitment from my own submissive…I know she’s out there, I just need to keep looking.

PLEASE NOTE: This is about OUR relationship. This all depends on the agreed relationship dynamic, however this is how WE choose to live and so if your opinions or dynamics differ, please don’t assume that this is how I think ALL dynamics should be. On the contrary, they should be unique.

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