BDSM, Kink, Open Relationship, Polyamory, Self Love, sex, Woman

International Women’s Day

As a woman, I have spent 36 years in this rock we call home and my freedoms and opportunities come from generations of men and women who have pushed for equality and recognition of women throughout our history. 

I am not free of struggles or barriers even in 2017, but I am incredibly grateful for those who have fought so I am able to freely express myself, to be who I choose to be and live the life I choose to live.

I feel the restrictions and stigma put on my by society to conform to a stereotype, and often am abused or berated by people for the lifestyle choices I make, whether sexually or otherwise. But I stand by my rights as a human being to live how I choose to live.

Being a woman isn’t just about being a gender, it’s about being a human being and having the same rights and choices as all other human beings should have.
So thank you to all of you who have fought or are still fighting. 

Thank you to the beautiful human beings I am surrounded by and have been before me.

We are beautiful, we are strong, we are capable and we are powerful. I am proud to be a woman and I am proud to be me.

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BDSM, Open Relationship, Polyamory, Self Love

Compliment jar shouldn’t be empty

I love my body. Every inch of it is tells story. The tiger striped stretch marks, the cutting scars, the cellulite, the fat rolls, the brand, tattoos and piercings…even the ones you don’t see in pictures, like the scar on my head from a bottle being smashed or the old scarred marks from abusive relationships. They all make up my beautiful, wonderfully crazy looking body.

So when someone pays me a compliment, no matter who it is, I take it and place it in a glass jar in my mind. It’s a jar I started filling when I went through my process of rebirth. Trying to find out who I really was underneath all of the personas and bullshit I’d pulled over myself to hide he real me from the world.

That jar glows so brightly now from each and every one…From ‘you’re beautiful’, ‘I love your eyes’, ‘squidgy hehe’, ‘fuck you’re gorgeous’ to ‘your cunt feels amazing’.

Without that jar, I wouldn’t have the confidence to be myself. I would allow the abuse that I suffered over my life to affect me. I wouldn’t have rebuilt the strength that I lost and crawled back from my addictions and self destruction.

I wouldn’t be the real me.

So when you want to say something nice to someone, don’t hold back. Just say it. Say how you feel, say what you think. They might have a jar just like mine, but not as full because people didn’t think they would need a compliment because they ‘probably get them all the time’.

We are our own worst critics and when we criticise someone for trying to pay a compliment we are stopping that person from adding something beautiful to our jars.

Be yourself and let others help you realise who that person really is. Let them guide your thoughts positively rather than trying so desperately to cling on to the negative.

You are beautiful, you just need reminding.

XOXO

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BDSM, Open Relationship, Polyamory

The importance of discipline

 

Discipline is one of the founding principles of BDSM and to me is one of the most important. As a submissive, I choose to submit myself to my Dominant, but that comes with it’s own discipline. It’s that discipline that ensures I submit to him in the way that is safe, sane and consensual, that helps support and guides us to live a life that nurtures my journey.

M is my Dominant, my partner and my best friend. We don’t ‘play’ D/s, we live it and without his discipline I know I would be lost. Yes you can put labels on things, but if you stripped costumes, the names and even the sex away, would we still be left with the same relationship? Yes, I think we would. We don’t need costumes or labels to be in D/s, we just need each other. The labels, the costumes and the recognition are all just add ons.

Discipline is important to us and our dynamic because it ensures that I have a guide, a light that keeps me on the right path. Punishments help reinforce that discipline in ways that help me realise the stumbles I’m making and helps me refocus on my goals. They’re not just about sexual gratification, even when they are. In fact, it makes the sexual side of our relationship more intense and more powerful than any vanilla relationship could. That’s not to say vanilla relationships are without discipline, but by having discipline in our D/s we both demonstrate a deeper level of commitment to our relationship. It’s a day to day, minute to minute display of how much this relationship means to us. Without it, we’d just be turning our D/s on and off like a light switch, which not only would be belittling it, but would be detrimental to our journey together.

Discipline is important to me because it’s important to us, and I’m very lucky to have an ‘us’.

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I’m looking for the same commitment from my own submissive…I know she’s out there, I just need to keep looking.

PLEASE NOTE: This is about OUR relationship. This all depends on the agreed relationship dynamic, however this is how WE choose to live and so if your opinions or dynamics differ, please don’t assume that this is how I think ALL dynamics should be. On the contrary, they should be unique.

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kittenplay, Open Relationship, Polyamory

Dear kitten

I can see you shivering. It’s cold out there all alone. It’s dark and lonely, feeling lost. No one to pet you, to nurture you or to look after you. No one to appreciate you and accept you for who you are.

I know because I’ve felt the cold too, but I want you to know that I’m here. I’m here waiting for you. To take you under my paw and to look after you. To pet you and to guide you to be the best kitten you can be.

Come here kitten, into the warm and let me look after you…

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I hope one day that I will find a kitten to adopt. Someone who is playful, cute and willing to learn with me as I explore my Domme side
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Open Relationship, Polyamory

There are times…

There are times when we argue.

There are times when you interrupt me when I’m trying to make a point or when you’re sick of hearing me talk through the points that I want to make.

There are times when you’re so frustratingly wrong that I want to strangle you and tell you how wrong you are. But I don’t.

There are times where I want to rip your head off, scream at you until your ears start bleeding. But I don’t.

I don’t because I love you, I respect you and you’re my Dominant.

I’m not perfect, far from it, but every time I feel myself slipping into bad behaviours I try to stop myself.

I take my time and pause between sentence because you taught me to.

You taught me to think through what I’m about to say, to keep calm and to stay focused.

You taught me not to interrupt you, to allow you to finish what you want to say and for me to listen.

As submissive isn’t the only one who learns.

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Open Relationship, Polyamory

Why I’m allowed to play with others

I think about sex probably every few minutes of every day. I don’t know why, I’ve never really questioned it, but I know that the way my mind works differs to that of a lot of people I’ve met and interacted with over the years.

When people say ‘I love a really high sex drive’ I always screw my face up in a ‘hmmm really? Do you really?’ kinda way.

I have had a high sex drive since it first kicked in during puberty. It’s only ever been lowered when I’ve been on medications. Even during depression it’s higher than average and I have not so fond memories of cry wanking way too much. Yes, girls cry wank too.

I’m not some special snowflake, I’m aware that because of the mighty hormone testosterone, males have a higher sex drive naturally and certainly do think about sexual desires a lot, but what baffles me the most is that mine, as a female, seems to build into a force that is almost unbearable.

On paper, having a submissive with a high sex drive is a Dominants dream. They can control it, play with it and take it to it’s limit, but in the cold harsh reality of every day life, it’s not. It’s frustrating, it’s demanding and it’s why he allows me to play with others.

Playing with others outside of our D/s keeps my appetite satisfied. It’s intense, it’s sensual, it’s dirty, it’s kinky, it’s whatever it wants to be.

I spoken to a lot of submissives who are scared to ask their Dominants about play partners, and I can see why. If you’re not used to or aware of how poly or open relationships work, then this can be a red flag. ‘Isn’t it cheating?’, ‘Am I not enough’ and the ugly green jealousy raises her head. More on that topic another time!

It’s not, but it can be is always my answer.

The dynamic you have with any partnership is unique to all it’s players. Your Dominant, like mine, can insist that no dominant rules are used and that only scenes are ok. This to be honest makes sense because how the hell can you be ruled by potentially too opposing Dominants! Also, for those, like me, who have fetishes or kinks that your Dominant isn’t into then you can explore these with others. Not only is this healthy, but it can, more importantly, be REALLY fun.

So why do I play with others? Because I like to.

Why does my Dominant let me? Because I like to.

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