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My coming out story

I was seeing my first girlfriend when I was in school, aged 15. We kept it secret from everybody, including the few friends I had because we were scared how they’d react.It was 1996/7 and although we had a few open LGBT celebrities it was not something that a lot of people spoke about, especially at school or at home because of our religion. HIV was still seen as the ‘gay disease’ and lesbians were viewed as ‘butch women trying to be men’, and we were teenagers left confused by the way we felt about each other.

I lived in a religious household and not only did I feel guilty about what we were doing but also hid it from everyone until I had moved out of home at 16. 

I remember playing the ways I was going to tell them so many times, but one Sunday, when I went round for a family meal the opportunity came so I just took it. 

When I told them that I thought I was with a girl and that we were in love, that I was gay, my mother told me that I was ‘disgusting’ and that I ‘shouldn’t say things like that’ and that I better not tell anyone because it’ll make our family look bad. She started shouting at me and I cried knowing that I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. My step father got really angry and told me that I was just saying that to provoke a reaction and to take it back. Even my sister said the same, that I was trying to be ‘cool’ and tried to get me to tell her the girl’s name. I didn’t. And even to this day only a handful of people knew. I was devastated.

We didn’t talk about it ever again because I knew that if I was even to attempt to that I was going to be shouted at or worse.

The guilt was so bad that I ended up splitting up with the first person I’d ever loved. We both had no experience of what we were going through and left us both a mess.

Even now I am faced with ridicule for being openly pansexual. The amount of times I’ve heard ‘you have sex with pans’ or ‘you’re just bisexual then, greedy’ from friends, family members and even strangers online.

But…

I am so proud of who I am today. 

Gender and sexuality are unique and personal, don’t make it your place to judge because we’re all just human. 🖤

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Sting

Bend over…

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting 

Slap

Thank You Sir

Sting

Sting

Sting

Sting…

Thank You Sir

Umph….

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And so my new chapter begins…

Time has come where I’d like to start making a proactive search for a primary. The last 6 months have been a much needed explorative and introspective time for me and now I feel comfortable and happy in whom I have grown to be. I am happy playing with those who bring me smiles and positivity, but I now have a craving for something more, something deeper.
So off I go on a journey, hopefully my new path will lead me to someone to guide and support me in becoming the best version of myself so I can bring support and pleasure to our primary relationship and their being or becoming the best version of themselves

Whether it takes months or even years, for once I don’t feel nervous or or desperate, I only feel excitement and happiness.

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Poetry: Don’t message me to

Don’t message me to
Use me like some plastic toy
To throw away quick
Don’t message me to
Try to persuade me with your
Mischievous intent
Don’t message me to
Hide behind your fetish, kink
Play all innocent
Don’t message me to
Slip your thoughts into sly words
Like I wouldn’t know
Don’t message me to
Try to twist words to trick me
Fool, I know your game
Don’t.
~This was written in response to those on sites like Fetlife, who choose to ignore what my profile says and what I say to them directly. It’s for those who think they can get cheap and lazy thrills from me, use me so they can get off. I’m not here to be used. I’m here to be respected so try your pathetic attempts somewhere else children. You’re not welcome here ~

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