BDSM, Kink

My Top 10 Dominant Traits

1. Communication

Keeping communication at the top ensures there is no room for misunderstandings or concerns, especially during a scene or when you’re long distance.

2. They care about your vanilla life

Asking about your day, asking how you’re feeling and actually listening is so important to me. I don’t want a Dominant that I just scene with, I want someone who values me and wants to share their life with me. I can’t be a robot and I don’t want one either

3. Sex isn’t always the focus

BDSM isn’t always about sex, especially for me. It’s about power play and the nuances of the relationship dynamic, not just about sexual gratification.

4. Aftercare is important

No matter what you’re doing aftercare should always be thought about and you shouldn’t think it’s ok to just drop a submissive when you’ve been physically or mentally engaged. It can be so damaging! For me it’s being held and stroked or being calmly spoken to until I’m back in a calm and safe mind set. Everyone is unique in their needs, but it should never be forgotten

5, Trust

If you can’t trust me then how can I learn to trust you? I don’t need my messages read or my every move monitored to provide you with the level of trust you need to be my Dominant. Unless it’s part of your dynamic, it’s really just overkill and shows massive insecurity which I have no time for in a Dominant. Also it goes both ways, if I feel that I can’t trust you because your communication or actions aren’t leaving. Me feeling secure in our dynamic then how can I trust you to hold my puppet strings?

6. Defensive arguments

Arguments happen, and sometimes they can be really healthy but when you’re manipulating the argument to become a blame game or become overly defensive then how are you meant to guide me?

7. Hygiene & personal care

I have to be attracted to someone to have any kind of relationship with them be it Ds of just a hookup, so as a Dominant I want someone strong in the mind and the body not someone who doesn’t look after themselves because how do I expect you to look after me? And vice versa.

8. Safety in limits

Hard limits are hard limits. They’re not their to test, they’re not there to be pushed, they are hard limits for a reason so back the hell off. Know the difference between soft and hard, soft you can push, hard isn’t budging. You’re not going to make anyone feel safe let alone a submissive if you’re not looking out for our safety.

9. Let me speak

I’m not a slave. I’m a submissive. There is a distinct difference and for a lot of people, especially those with little experience or a lot of experience with vulnerable submissives who didn’t know better, I am not a doormat for you to use and crush without any feedback or discussion. I’m a human being, and in order for me to respect and serve you I need you to respect and value me as a person. Let me have a voice.

10. I am unique

Not every submissive is like me and I am not every submissive. This list is a guide to who I am and what I am looking for, but like everything in BDSM it’s not a guide that everyone will agree with.

Advertisements
Standard
BDSM, Kink, sex

Just because I’m Kinky

Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I want to have sex with anyone with a pulse. It seems that as soon as you mention you’re into the BDSM/Fetish/Kinky lifestyle, you’re open to the assumption that you’re ‘up for anything’ with pretty much everyone. It gets even worse when you mention you’re submissive!

Let’s get a few things straight.

1. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you

I’m fussy. Like REALLY fussy, about who I wish to engage in sexual encounters with. They have to be on the same level as me sexually, I have to find them attractive and we have to strike a rapport. Just because I’m kinky, doesn’t mean I will want to fuck anyone else that has similar kinks or wants to try the things I’m into. I’m still a human being with likes and dislikes. You don’t lose that when you explore and live in this lifestyle.

2. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I want to have sex

I love sex, but I love really good sex with great people. Being kinky doesn’t mean that I automatically want to have sex in a play session. Sometimes I like the sensations it gives or I’m giving someone, whether it be serving them in some way non sexually or receiving pain because I need the release. Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m instantly going to want to have sex in every instance of intimacy. 

3. Just because I’m kinky and submissive…doesn’t mean I want to submit to just anyone

I’m a submissive, anyone who knows me will say that behind the facade is an innately submissive girl. That’s just who I am, and proudly so. This does not mean that I submit to just anyone. Gone are the days where submissives were respected in their role, where Dominants would value our choice and position. Nowadays any Tom, Dick or Harriet will call themselves Dom(me) and I’m expected to worship at their feet. It doesn’t work like that kids. Respect is always a given, but I’m not going to submit to someone unless we have an established trust and rapport. Just because I’m kinky and submissive doesn’t mean I’m yours.

4. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean you can demand nudes

I’m an exhibitionist, I love showing off my body and I post a lot of pictures online or send videos to those I choose. This doesn’t mean that I’m fair game for people to demand pictures or videos from me for their own pleasure. It’s my body and my rules, unless you’re my Dominant, so demands of any kind are off the table. What I’ve also found is that men in particular are incredibly good at begging for them, to almost try to guilt me into sending images, either because they’ve chosen to send me a picture of their raging hard on, or because they think that because I post online that I’m going to give them what they want too. Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m going to flash my intimate parts or give you your own personal porn collections. I save that for people who I choose to do that with, people who respect me and my body. 

5. Just because I’m kinky…doesn’t mean I find all cock pics attractive

Cock shots are a funny thing to me. Cocks in general are fascinating but not something that turns me on as a single body part. For me, it’s all about the whole, the body and mind has to turn me on. Sending me a random pic of your hard on without any warning it either probably going to get deleted, laughed at or blocked if it’s persistent. Just because I’m kinky, doesn’t mean your cock is the be all and end all. There is more to you than your cock, in the same way that there is more to me than my tits or pussy. So try taking some great seductive shots of your face and body, or teasing eyes and your cock if you’re still determined. Your cock may be important to you, but it’s not too of my list, you are.

So just because I’m kinky, it doesn’t mean that I’m fair game for all things sexual. It also doesn’t mean that I’m not sexual either, it’s just that you need to understand that I’m still a woman, a human being, someone who likes to be seduced and made to laugh and talked to like I’m respected. I’m a submissive, not a piece of meat or a doormat.

Standard