BDSM, Kink

My Top 10 Dominant Traits

1. Communication

Keeping communication at the top ensures there is no room for misunderstandings or concerns, especially during a scene or when you’re long distance.

2. They care about your vanilla life

Asking about your day, asking how you’re feeling and actually listening is so important to me. I don’t want a Dominant that I just scene with, I want someone who values me and wants to share their life with me. I can’t be a robot and I don’t want one either

3. Sex isn’t always the focus

BDSM isn’t always about sex, especially for me. It’s about power play and the nuances of the relationship dynamic, not just about sexual gratification.

4. Aftercare is important

No matter what you’re doing aftercare should always be thought about and you shouldn’t think it’s ok to just drop a submissive when you’ve been physically or mentally engaged. It can be so damaging! For me it’s being held and stroked or being calmly spoken to until I’m back in a calm and safe mind set. Everyone is unique in their needs, but it should never be forgotten

5, Trust

If you can’t trust me then how can I learn to trust you? I don’t need my messages read or my every move monitored to provide you with the level of trust you need to be my Dominant. Unless it’s part of your dynamic, it’s really just overkill and shows massive insecurity which I have no time for in a Dominant. Also it goes both ways, if I feel that I can’t trust you because your communication or actions aren’t leaving. Me feeling secure in our dynamic then how can I trust you to hold my puppet strings?

6. Defensive arguments

Arguments happen, and sometimes they can be really healthy but when you’re manipulating the argument to become a blame game or become overly defensive then how are you meant to guide me?

7. Hygiene & personal care

I have to be attracted to someone to have any kind of relationship with them be it Ds of just a hookup, so as a Dominant I want someone strong in the mind and the body not someone who doesn’t look after themselves because how do I expect you to look after me? And vice versa.

8. Safety in limits

Hard limits are hard limits. They’re not their to test, they’re not there to be pushed, they are hard limits for a reason so back the hell off. Know the difference between soft and hard, soft you can push, hard isn’t budging. You’re not going to make anyone feel safe let alone a submissive if you’re not looking out for our safety.

9. Let me speak

I’m not a slave. I’m a submissive. There is a distinct difference and for a lot of people, especially those with little experience or a lot of experience with vulnerable submissives who didn’t know better, I am not a doormat for you to use and crush without any feedback or discussion. I’m a human being, and in order for me to respect and serve you I need you to respect and value me as a person. Let me have a voice.

10. I am unique

Not every submissive is like me and I am not every submissive. This list is a guide to who I am and what I am looking for, but like everything in BDSM it’s not a guide that everyone will agree with.

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BDSM, Kink, Polyamory, sex

Messaging A Kinky Woman

1. Don’t just simply message ‘Hi’
I know that not all of us are confident alpha types but I’m sure you can manage to type something a bit more stimulating than one word. As a woman, I do get messages quite often, it’s the ratio, and so if you’re not going to fall through the cracks you need to make a bit more effort.

2. Don’t expect to be the only one I’m messaging

I am not monogamous.

I am not monogamous 

I am not monogamous 

3. Don’t expect me to reply the second you do.

I work incredibly hard, my life is my career and that won’t be changing any time soon so please know that if you’re messaging me and I’m able to reply that’s because I’ve chosen to reply when I have the time to engage with you.

I am not someone you should worry about, I have days when I like to my soeak to anyone at all. So if you’re constantly messaging you will become irritating to me. No offence but I am not your girlfriend, and I have no intention of being either. I have no intention of being anyone’s girlfriend.

4. It isn’t always about sex

Just because I’m a member of a sex site or a site like Fetlife, doesn’t mean all I want to do with you is talk about sex or get each other off everytime we chat. I am a human being with more substance to me than a pussy and a pair of tits so maybe find something else to talk about if I don’t seem ‘in the mood’. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy talking dirty 90% of the time, but I do have vanilla moments especially when at work or travelling.

Remember, I’m not just a toy, I’m a human being. 

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