BDSM, Open Relationship, Polyamory

The importance of discipline

 

Discipline is one of the founding principles of BDSM and to me is one of the most important. As a submissive, I choose to submit myself to my Dominant, but that comes with it’s own discipline. It’s that discipline that ensures I submit to him in the way that is safe, sane and consensual, that helps support and guides us to live a life that nurtures my journey.

M is my Dominant, my partner and my best friend. We don’t ‘play’ D/s, we live it and without his discipline I know I would be lost. Yes you can put labels on things, but if you stripped costumes, the names and even the sex away, would we still be left with the same relationship? Yes, I think we would. We don’t need costumes or labels to be in D/s, we just need each other. The labels, the costumes and the recognition are all just add ons.

Discipline is important to us and our dynamic because it ensures that I have a guide, a light that keeps me on the right path. Punishments help reinforce that discipline in ways that help me realise the stumbles I’m making and helps me refocus on my goals. They’re not just about sexual gratification, even when they are. In fact, it makes the sexual side of our relationship more intense and more powerful than any vanilla relationship could. That’s not to say vanilla relationships are without discipline, but by having discipline in our D/s we both demonstrate a deeper level of commitment to our relationship. It’s a day to day, minute to minute display of how much this relationship means to us. Without it, we’d just be turning our D/s on and off like a light switch, which not only would be belittling it, but would be detrimental to our journey together.

Discipline is important to me because it’s important to us, and I’m very lucky to have an ‘us’.

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I’m looking for the same commitment from my own submissive…I know she’s out there, I just need to keep looking.

PLEASE NOTE: This is about OUR relationship. This all depends on the agreed relationship dynamic, however this is how WE choose to live and so if your opinions or dynamics differ, please don’t assume that this is how I think ALL dynamics should be. On the contrary, they should be unique.

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kittenplay, Open Relationship, Polyamory

Dear kitten

I can see you shivering. It’s cold out there all alone. It’s dark and lonely, feeling lost. No one to pet you, to nurture you or to look after you. No one to appreciate you and accept you for who you are.

I know because I’ve felt the cold too, but I want you to know that I’m here. I’m here waiting for you. To take you under my paw and to look after you. To pet you and to guide you to be the best kitten you can be.

Come here kitten, into the warm and let me look after you…

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I hope one day that I will find a kitten to adopt. Someone who is playful, cute and willing to learn with me as I explore my Domme side
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Open Relationship, Polyamory

There are times…

There are times when we argue.

There are times when you interrupt me when I’m trying to make a point or when you’re sick of hearing me talk through the points that I want to make.

There are times when you’re so frustratingly wrong that I want to strangle you and tell you how wrong you are. But I don’t.

There are times where I want to rip your head off, scream at you until your ears start bleeding. But I don’t.

I don’t because I love you, I respect you and you’re my Dominant.

I’m not perfect, far from it, but every time I feel myself slipping into bad behaviours I try to stop myself.

I take my time and pause between sentence because you taught me to.

You taught me to think through what I’m about to say, to keep calm and to stay focused.

You taught me not to interrupt you, to allow you to finish what you want to say and for me to listen.

As submissive isn’t the only one who learns.

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Open Relationship, Polyamory

Why I’m allowed to play with others

I think about sex probably every few minutes of every day. I don’t know why, I’ve never really questioned it, but I know that the way my mind works differs to that of a lot of people I’ve met and interacted with over the years.

When people say ‘I love a really high sex drive’ I always screw my face up in a ‘hmmm really? Do you really?’ kinda way.

I have had a high sex drive since it first kicked in during puberty. It’s only ever been lowered when I’ve been on medications. Even during depression it’s higher than average and I have not so fond memories of cry wanking way too much. Yes, girls cry wank too.

I’m not some special snowflake, I’m aware that because of the mighty hormone testosterone, males have a higher sex drive naturally and certainly do think about sexual desires a lot, but what baffles me the most is that mine, as a female, seems to build into a force that is almost unbearable.

On paper, having a submissive with a high sex drive is a Dominants dream. They can control it, play with it and take it to it’s limit, but in the cold harsh reality of every day life, it’s not. It’s frustrating, it’s demanding and it’s why he allows me to play with others.

Playing with others outside of our D/s keeps my appetite satisfied. It’s intense, it’s sensual, it’s dirty, it’s kinky, it’s whatever it wants to be.

I spoken to a lot of submissives who are scared to ask their Dominants about play partners, and I can see why. If you’re not used to or aware of how poly or open relationships work, then this can be a red flag. ‘Isn’t it cheating?’, ‘Am I not enough’ and the ugly green jealousy raises her head. More on that topic another time!

It’s not, but it can be is always my answer.

The dynamic you have with any partnership is unique to all it’s players. Your Dominant, like mine, can insist that no dominant rules are used and that only scenes are ok. This to be honest makes sense because how the hell can you be ruled by potentially too opposing Dominants! Also, for those, like me, who have fetishes or kinks that your Dominant isn’t into then you can explore these with others. Not only is this healthy, but it can, more importantly, be REALLY fun.

So why do I play with others? Because I like to.

Why does my Dominant let me? Because I like to.

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Triad

And then there were…3?

When M and I first got together, I was a polyamorous promiscuous kitten stepping into a monogamous and stripped back relationship that, on first glance, was quite vanilla to the unobservant eye.  We were, through a variety of accidents and pushes, thrown into a 24/7 living arrangement, with me moving in within the first 3 months.  Our D/s dynamic was, as I’ve said, stripped back, as M wanted me to find out who I really was underneath the numerous personas and cloaks I’d hidden behind over the years, the real me.

Fast forward 2 years to today and we remain happy and stronger than ever, and although I yet don’t know the full ‘me’ yet, we’ve made significant steps forward and M still loves the ‘me’ that we’ve found. The process of rediscovery hasn’t been without pain, and I’m not talking about the good pain, and there has been a lot to strip back.  In doing so my duties have been very light and our D/s has remained present but without strict protocol.  I do miss more protocol sometimes, but I know that I need more time, especially now I have a back injury to contend with.

As his submissive I continue to serve M, but the last few months I knew that there was something missing, not within me, but within him. So a month ago I decided to ask M if he wanted to look for someone else to play with, and to my surprise, and I think his too, he said yes!

Searching for an online submissive when you’re already in a D/s and long term relationship can bring it’s pitfalls, especially as a male Dominant on sites such as Fetlife and the like.  It’s basically a sausage fest on Fetlife, but not always in a good way. You’re competing with the inexperienced but all talk ‘doms’ who post fake photos and want to collar as many submissives as possible, in some kind of ‘true dom’ display of ‘domliness’.  But, being the patient Dominant, M seems to have found a potential secondary already who he is now considering.  =^^= I honestly couldn’t be happier for M, knowing that he is able to fulfil his desires is just amazing.  It’s also been interesting see him spread his wings, as he’s never experienced an open relationship before, so for me it’s smiles all round.  I’ve even got permission to play a little online myself…

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