kittenplay, Open Relationship, Polyamory

Dear kitten

I can see you shivering. It’s cold out there all alone. It’s dark and lonely, feeling lost. No one to pet you, to nurture you or to look after you. No one to appreciate you and accept you for who you are.

I know because I’ve felt the cold too, but I want you to know that I’m here. I’m here waiting for you. To take you under my paw and to look after you. To pet you and to guide you to be the best kitten you can be.

Come here kitten, into the warm and let me look after you…

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I hope one day that I will find a kitten to adopt. Someone who is playful, cute and willing to learn with me as I explore my Domme side
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Open Relationship, Polyamory

There are times…

There are times when we argue.

There are times when you interrupt me when I’m trying to make a point or when you’re sick of hearing me talk through the points that I want to make.

There are times when you’re so frustratingly wrong that I want to strangle you and tell you how wrong you are. But I don’t.

There are times where I want to rip your head off, scream at you until your ears start bleeding. But I don’t.

I don’t because I love you, I respect you and you’re my Dominant.

I’m not perfect, far from it, but every time I feel myself slipping into bad behaviours I try to stop myself.

I take my time and pause between sentence because you taught me to.

You taught me to think through what I’m about to say, to keep calm and to stay focused.

You taught me not to interrupt you, to allow you to finish what you want to say and for me to listen.

As submissive isn’t the only one who learns.

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Self Love

I’ve never been one of the ‘pretty girls’

I’m an exhibitionist. I post a lot of photographs and selfies on Fet because I love the attention, the appreciation and the validation it provides. This isn’t because I’m a vacuous self centred bitch, but because it’s something I enjoy and I use to help me build on my self worth.

I’ve never seen myself as being one of the ‘pretty girls’, the ones who walk into a bar and instantly you know that eyes are on them. They don’t struggle with attracting people, but that also doesn’t mean that they’re always aware of it either. I know plenty who have issues wth their self worth, but to the general public look like they should be on the cover of a magazine.

I’m aware that I don’t look like I’ve been hit by a spade, but I’ve never relied on my looks to get me anywhere or even been approached at a bar like I’ve seen many of my friends and others. I’m the type of girl who finds people through other ways, relying more so on my personality than my physical charms.

This changed when I found the BDSM scene.

I had no idea that people would find me attractive like they do, honestly. I had no idea that people would want to treat me like a goddess and tell me how absolutely fuckable, kissable and attractive I was.

So thank you to the BDSM community and the wonderful people I’ve met since I first found myself just over 15 years ago. Thank you for opening eyes and exposing people like me to themselves, their bodies and their own unique beauty. Thank you also to M, my Dominant and partner who, 2 years ago, picked me up, stripped me down and has helped me find myself again. Without him I would have probably ended up a statistic.

I’m still discovering myself and my self worth, and will be building on that for years to come. But in this moment, writing this, I’m happy to be me.

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Open Relationship, Polyamory

Why I’m allowed to play with others

I think about sex probably every few minutes of every day. I don’t know why, I’ve never really questioned it, but I know that the way my mind works differs to that of a lot of people I’ve met and interacted with over the years.

When people say ‘I love a really high sex drive’ I always screw my face up in a ‘hmmm really? Do you really?’ kinda way.

I have had a high sex drive since it first kicked in during puberty. It’s only ever been lowered when I’ve been on medications. Even during depression it’s higher than average and I have not so fond memories of cry wanking way too much. Yes, girls cry wank too.

I’m not some special snowflake, I’m aware that because of the mighty hormone testosterone, males have a higher sex drive naturally and certainly do think about sexual desires a lot, but what baffles me the most is that mine, as a female, seems to build into a force that is almost unbearable.

On paper, having a submissive with a high sex drive is a Dominants dream. They can control it, play with it and take it to it’s limit, but in the cold harsh reality of every day life, it’s not. It’s frustrating, it’s demanding and it’s why he allows me to play with others.

Playing with others outside of our D/s keeps my appetite satisfied. It’s intense, it’s sensual, it’s dirty, it’s kinky, it’s whatever it wants to be.

I spoken to a lot of submissives who are scared to ask their Dominants about play partners, and I can see why. If you’re not used to or aware of how poly or open relationships work, then this can be a red flag. ‘Isn’t it cheating?’, ‘Am I not enough’ and the ugly green jealousy raises her head. More on that topic another time!

It’s not, but it can be is always my answer.

The dynamic you have with any partnership is unique to all it’s players. Your Dominant, like mine, can insist that no dominant rules are used and that only scenes are ok. This to be honest makes sense because how the hell can you be ruled by potentially too opposing Dominants! Also, for those, like me, who have fetishes or kinks that your Dominant isn’t into then you can explore these with others. Not only is this healthy, but it can, more importantly, be REALLY fun.

So why do I play with others? Because I like to.

Why does my Dominant let me? Because I like to.

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Triad

And then there were…3?

When M and I first got together, I was a polyamorous promiscuous kitten stepping into a monogamous and stripped back relationship that, on first glance, was quite vanilla to the unobservant eye.  We were, through a variety of accidents and pushes, thrown into a 24/7 living arrangement, with me moving in within the first 3 months.  Our D/s dynamic was, as I’ve said, stripped back, as M wanted me to find out who I really was underneath the numerous personas and cloaks I’d hidden behind over the years, the real me.

Fast forward 2 years to today and we remain happy and stronger than ever, and although I yet don’t know the full ‘me’ yet, we’ve made significant steps forward and M still loves the ‘me’ that we’ve found. The process of rediscovery hasn’t been without pain, and I’m not talking about the good pain, and there has been a lot to strip back.  In doing so my duties have been very light and our D/s has remained present but without strict protocol.  I do miss more protocol sometimes, but I know that I need more time, especially now I have a back injury to contend with.

As his submissive I continue to serve M, but the last few months I knew that there was something missing, not within me, but within him. So a month ago I decided to ask M if he wanted to look for someone else to play with, and to my surprise, and I think his too, he said yes!

Searching for an online submissive when you’re already in a D/s and long term relationship can bring it’s pitfalls, especially as a male Dominant on sites such as Fetlife and the like.  It’s basically a sausage fest on Fetlife, but not always in a good way. You’re competing with the inexperienced but all talk ‘doms’ who post fake photos and want to collar as many submissives as possible, in some kind of ‘true dom’ display of ‘domliness’.  But, being the patient Dominant, M seems to have found a potential secondary already who he is now considering.  =^^= I honestly couldn’t be happier for M, knowing that he is able to fulfil his desires is just amazing.  It’s also been interesting see him spread his wings, as he’s never experienced an open relationship before, so for me it’s smiles all round.  I’ve even got permission to play a little online myself…

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