BDSM, Kink

My Top 10 Dominant Traits

1. Communication

Keeping communication at the top ensures there is no room for misunderstandings or concerns, especially during a scene or when you’re long distance.

2. They care about your vanilla life

Asking about your day, asking how you’re feeling and actually listening is so important to me. I don’t want a Dominant that I just scene with, I want someone who values me and wants to share their life with me. I can’t be a robot and I don’t want one either

3. Sex isn’t always the focus

BDSM isn’t always about sex, especially for me. It’s about power play and the nuances of the relationship dynamic, not just about sexual gratification.

4. Aftercare is important

No matter what you’re doing aftercare should always be thought about and you shouldn’t think it’s ok to just drop a submissive when you’ve been physically or mentally engaged. It can be so damaging! For me it’s being held and stroked or being calmly spoken to until I’m back in a calm and safe mind set. Everyone is unique in their needs, but it should never be forgotten

5, Trust

If you can’t trust me then how can I learn to trust you? I don’t need my messages read or my every move monitored to provide you with the level of trust you need to be my Dominant. Unless it’s part of your dynamic, it’s really just overkill and shows massive insecurity which I have no time for in a Dominant. Also it goes both ways, if I feel that I can’t trust you because your communication or actions aren’t leaving. Me feeling secure in our dynamic then how can I trust you to hold my puppet strings?

6. Defensive arguments

Arguments happen, and sometimes they can be really healthy but when you’re manipulating the argument to become a blame game or become overly defensive then how are you meant to guide me?

7. Hygiene & personal care

I have to be attracted to someone to have any kind of relationship with them be it Ds of just a hookup, so as a Dominant I want someone strong in the mind and the body not someone who doesn’t look after themselves because how do I expect you to look after me? And vice versa.

8. Safety in limits

Hard limits are hard limits. They’re not their to test, they’re not there to be pushed, they are hard limits for a reason so back the hell off. Know the difference between soft and hard, soft you can push, hard isn’t budging. You’re not going to make anyone feel safe let alone a submissive if you’re not looking out for our safety.

9. Let me speak

I’m not a slave. I’m a submissive. There is a distinct difference and for a lot of people, especially those with little experience or a lot of experience with vulnerable submissives who didn’t know better, I am not a doormat for you to use and crush without any feedback or discussion. I’m a human being, and in order for me to respect and serve you I need you to respect and value me as a person. Let me have a voice.

10. I am unique

Not every submissive is like me and I am not every submissive. This list is a guide to who I am and what I am looking for, but like everything in BDSM it’s not a guide that everyone will agree with.

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BDSM, Kink, Polyamory, Self Love, sex, Woman

A fucking life lesson

I like fucking.

I really enjoy fucking.

What I enjoy the most about fucking is being fucked. Being pinned down, either face down ass up or legs spread hands choking my neck; either way I really enjoy being fucked.

I know the way men look at me when they think no one else is looking, or when they message me on websites or apps like Snapchat or Tinder. I make myself available to then because to them our interactions are private and they are finally free to be attracted to someone who makes them feel desired and wanted in ways they like, because they make me feel desired and wanted in ways I like.

It’s an exchange.

To them I’m not the kind of girl you take home to your parents, I’m not the kind of girl you’d introduce to your friends. I’m the type of girl you don’t marry.

I fuck men because I like them fucking me but I only love fucking men who love fucking me and know why I want them to fuck me.

I love fucking.

There is no shame in that.

But there is more to life than just fucking. I’m more open now, more than ever because I won’t change who I am. I may just change how I am.

I now know a little more about who I am.

Life lesson learned this week.

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BDSM, Kink, Polyamory, sex, Shibari

Your Rope

There is a comfort here

In the welcoming white smile

With soft cushioned lips

Pulling, pushing, teasing…

Running my fingers across you

The curve and dip of each muscle

Softened skin surrounding

Wrists held back with strength

Your supple hands guiding

Gliding and caressing me

As I feel the fibres…yes…

As they tighten…

There is only you & me now and…

…your rope

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BDSM, Open Relationship, Polyamory

The importance of discipline

 

Discipline is one of the founding principles of BDSM and to me is one of the most important. As a submissive, I choose to submit myself to my Dominant, but that comes with it’s own discipline. It’s that discipline that ensures I submit to him in the way that is safe, sane and consensual, that helps support and guides us to live a life that nurtures my journey.

M is my Dominant, my partner and my best friend. We don’t ‘play’ D/s, we live it and without his discipline I know I would be lost. Yes you can put labels on things, but if you stripped costumes, the names and even the sex away, would we still be left with the same relationship? Yes, I think we would. We don’t need costumes or labels to be in D/s, we just need each other. The labels, the costumes and the recognition are all just add ons.

Discipline is important to us and our dynamic because it ensures that I have a guide, a light that keeps me on the right path. Punishments help reinforce that discipline in ways that help me realise the stumbles I’m making and helps me refocus on my goals. They’re not just about sexual gratification, even when they are. In fact, it makes the sexual side of our relationship more intense and more powerful than any vanilla relationship could. That’s not to say vanilla relationships are without discipline, but by having discipline in our D/s we both demonstrate a deeper level of commitment to our relationship. It’s a day to day, minute to minute display of how much this relationship means to us. Without it, we’d just be turning our D/s on and off like a light switch, which not only would be belittling it, but would be detrimental to our journey together.

Discipline is important to me because it’s important to us, and I’m very lucky to have an ‘us’.

discipline

I’m looking for the same commitment from my own submissive…I know she’s out there, I just need to keep looking.

PLEASE NOTE: This is about OUR relationship. This all depends on the agreed relationship dynamic, however this is how WE choose to live and so if your opinions or dynamics differ, please don’t assume that this is how I think ALL dynamics should be. On the contrary, they should be unique.

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kittenplay, Open Relationship, Polyamory

Dear kitten

I can see you shivering. It’s cold out there all alone. It’s dark and lonely, feeling lost. No one to pet you, to nurture you or to look after you. No one to appreciate you and accept you for who you are.

I know because I’ve felt the cold too, but I want you to know that I’m here. I’m here waiting for you. To take you under my paw and to look after you. To pet you and to guide you to be the best kitten you can be.

Come here kitten, into the warm and let me look after you…

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I hope one day that I will find a kitten to adopt. Someone who is playful, cute and willing to learn with me as I explore my Domme side
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Open Relationship, Polyamory

There are times…

There are times when we argue.

There are times when you interrupt me when I’m trying to make a point or when you’re sick of hearing me talk through the points that I want to make.

There are times when you’re so frustratingly wrong that I want to strangle you and tell you how wrong you are. But I don’t.

There are times where I want to rip your head off, scream at you until your ears start bleeding. But I don’t.

I don’t because I love you, I respect you and you’re my Dominant.

I’m not perfect, far from it, but every time I feel myself slipping into bad behaviours I try to stop myself.

I take my time and pause between sentence because you taught me to.

You taught me to think through what I’m about to say, to keep calm and to stay focused.

You taught me not to interrupt you, to allow you to finish what you want to say and for me to listen.

As submissive isn’t the only one who learns.

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Self Love

I’ve never been one of the ‘pretty girls’

I’m an exhibitionist. I post a lot of photographs and selfies on Fet because I love the attention, the appreciation and the validation it provides. This isn’t because I’m a vacuous self centred bitch, but because it’s something I enjoy and I use to help me build on my self worth.

I’ve never seen myself as being one of the ‘pretty girls’, the ones who walk into a bar and instantly you know that eyes are on them. They don’t struggle with attracting people, but that also doesn’t mean that they’re always aware of it either. I know plenty who have issues wth their self worth, but to the general public look like they should be on the cover of a magazine.

I’m aware that I don’t look like I’ve been hit by a spade, but I’ve never relied on my looks to get me anywhere or even been approached at a bar like I’ve seen many of my friends and others. I’m the type of girl who finds people through other ways, relying more so on my personality than my physical charms.

This changed when I found the BDSM scene.

I had no idea that people would find me attractive like they do, honestly. I had no idea that people would want to treat me like a goddess and tell me how absolutely fuckable, kissable and attractive I was.

So thank you to the BDSM community and the wonderful people I’ve met since I first found myself just over 15 years ago. Thank you for opening eyes and exposing people like me to themselves, their bodies and their own unique beauty. Thank you also to M, my Dominant and partner who, 2 years ago, picked me up, stripped me down and has helped me find myself again. Without him I would have probably ended up a statistic.

I’m still discovering myself and my self worth, and will be building on that for years to come. But in this moment, writing this, I’m happy to be me.

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